I know I may not be doing my job as a black woman and litfitin up my race by saying this.... BUT WHY DOES EVERY BLACK MAN THINK HE CAN RAP?? This is whats really blowing me now. Liek I have met so many guys and some where down the line in the series of conversations his budding rap career comes up. Either he makes beats or manages someone or sings or just is a hype man. I can't handle it. If I guy ever wants to get rid of me all he has to say is "listen to my demo." Now I may be a little prejudice because I do radio and meet crazy talentless people all the time. But Im an equal oppurtunist and try to help everyone out. And my brother is pretty known in the DMV (Dc Md Va area) for being on the radio and really connecting good artist up. But it first started out with guys coming at me to get at him. I put an end to that by not dating anyone in the industry.... but now it seems like Joe Smoe from the book store is a got damn rapper. I'm tired of this shit.. there are to many people with songs out getting paid more than teachers and fire men. And I think its bullshit. Oh and we must not forget about the 1 million black guys going to the NBA next year. An upgrade is needed. I blame females for pumping their heads and if you really love him you would try to give him some other options for sucess because you all are only one ligament tear away from food stamps. Please Believe ME! I have dated my share of athletes and I have learned the lessons of that game... never ever ever ever ever ever count your chickens befor they hatch. I am not hating at ALL. I am simply loving. Lving you enough to tell you the truth... you are never gonna be on Def Jam boo boo. You will never get on BET (Scratch that, they let anything on that channel). BUt I want more black doctors and astronauts and trashmen for heavan sakes. Its ok to have regular job, that way you can have a family and ctually be there. I think people and I mean balck people associate "makin it" with selling our souls to the entertainment industry. Has anyone rad Linden Hills.... wake up people.
And ladies you are nto exempt. NOT everyone can be a model. I don't care how flyy you claim to be... because the exact outfit you have on is being worn by three other girls within a two mile radius. And this so called unique style you have is not necessarily unique. If everyone is trying to be different... how do you know what being different really is... and If indeed everyone is trying to be different dosen't that equal being the same? Ladies its ok if you liek that purse from payless becaus honestly I feel like everyone else can have the Jordans, Gucci and Prada.. I will own property. Sorry thats what I consider balling. lol
So boo boo the fact that you have a purse and 3 inch heels on dosen't mean your the next Naomi Cambell or even the next girl in the Old Navy add. I am not tring to kill your dreams I am a firm believer in being anything your heart desries... I just wish you have a plan B,C and F if need be. If you spend all this time chasing material "ballerific" things wou will never enjoy the beautiful things that are free, like love, family and friends.
The trully successful people like Alicia Keys, Knaye West, Jay Z, Bon Jovi, Jill Scott, Missy Elliot, Pharrell.... love their craft and were not drawn to it by glitter and gold, not even by the clay puppet on the screen screaming cuss words... they study and love their craft. Everybody has something. I promise.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Love should have a warning on the back like cigarettes.
So I am going to ust be flat out and admit yes I love him. I waited along time to admit it to my friends. But only after going through what I went through and still thinking about that person everyday after can you be in love. I missed him ALOT. But let me reccap.
Last time I talked to you all Mr.Right and I were having some trouble. We got back on track and then the shit hit the fan. He stop giving me the good. You know what i mean! I was like "how dare you tease me like this." One night I was cooking dinner and yes it was fianls but I had nto seen him in weeks and missed him dearly. So on a very random and funny phone call he yells "Why don't you cook something, like just have food for me! lol" So I said I would and made a date to come to his house and cook. So while I was there I cooked everything under the sun in order to feed my man. I should have known the day wasn't going to go the way I wanted it to when I would stop at different times and ask for kisses...only to be turned down and told "I'm tryign to watch this, just cook." So I was like ok, le tme just hurry up and cook so I can spend some time with him on the couch. He later came into the kitchen to flirt and kiss and hug so I was easil satisifed for the moment. We sat at the table prayed over our food and began to talk about life. I loved his conversation and still do to this day. He didn't know that his every adverb, noun and adjective turned me on. We later retired to the couch to watch tv and talk. He all of a sudden got up and said "come on, go to the back lets take a nap for a minute before I have to get back to studying." I was extremely excited and got in the bed to cuddle. And that was honestly all I got. A cuddle. Now I am a very serious cuddler and it is one of my favorite pass times lol. So after trying to seduce him a couple times i got upset and asked him waht was wrong..."I'm celibate" he said. I would have rather him say anything else. NOT THE C BOMB. I asked where did this come from?.. he was talking but now I can honestly say I can recollect everything he said before that but anything after is now a blurr.... all I remember is tears, fighting, hugging, kisssing, and tears again. Only for me to leave out of the door and speeding off in my car the wronf direction because I was so messed up! lol
So I later went home told my girls they gave me the "MEN AIN'T SHIT" speech. And I went to facebook. I wrote an apology letter to my girls who told me to leave him alone after the first couple set of rocks we had to get over. And he called.... Now ladies this whole time I was trying to be strong, we would argue before and I would always be either first to call or pic up on the first ring, something was different about this time, my phone was dead and I got a voice mail form him wanting to talk I decided to not call back and let him know how angry I really was. Now he got on facebook to write me and read my note.. He claims it hurt him and this I still doubt but maybe?
So I call the next day to talk to him and figure things out... no pick up. I go to facebook... we aren't friends anymore. lol right? So I get a text telling me to check my email. I am in McDonalds with my friend eating and then I feel sick, I read the eamil piece by piece on my phone getting more sick but the sylable. He pretty much wrote me a go fuck yourself you little girl letter. I began crying histarically only to end up throwing up in the parking lot. To make a long story fun size I went into severe depression, got sick, left school and my cell phone and shut myself off from the world for a little bit (a week) lol. With the help of my baby brothers sponge bob and pizza cure and my gurls.... I made it out. I honestly can't tell someone about the pain I felt without crying. You know you love someone when they can say some of the most hurtfull things in the world to you and yet you still want them to hold you...crazy I know, but people smoke ciggarettes.
So I was on my way with my girls on our way to meet this guy I had just started to talk too and as I stop to get something to drink, I saw him on the store. I wasn't sure what I could have said to him if I went in, I probably would have tried ot ignore him and stop myself from crying, but thank God my friend Jess "girl I'll go get it for you" (thanks boo).
So a month or so goes by and I built a good relationship with one of his friends a really tight brother sister relationship. So I had no choice but to talk about old times. He would remind me that sometimes I would bring his name into the convo and we wouldn't even be talking about him lol. But I realized I really really missed him. So I moved into my new place and one of my bf's friends lived across the hall. We built a great friendship and I told him about the craziness I went through during the semester... Lo and behold....I get and email the next day " I thought about you today" I almost cried and didn't reply for a few days, honestly because I wanted to reply I love you btu I didn't and don't want to scare him away. Its nothing worst thatn loving someone who don't love you. So I htought about what I would reply.....two days later I said " Oh thats funny I thought about you today too. How is Miami?." He replied back a day later saying it was hto and about his job.... and at the end he asked if we could be on talking terms again and he apologized for hurting me. Now you would think that would honestly be exactly what I wanted to here... but I wasn't sure. I went to go talk to my brother aka his bestfriend about it. He told me "be honest with him, tell him your scared. I think its funny that girls can say they never wnat to tlk to us again and then later come back and apologize, but we can't do that." But I could understand what he was aying but in this case, I couldn't think of anythign that would make me want to leave him or hurt him like he did me. NOTHING.
So long story bite size, I worte a very cunning and brisk email expressing that I really was hurt and even quoted some of his own words form his previous email. But gave in and said yes. So we began texting and he was sweet at first "I miss your face", "promise you'll call me" "you stayed and stay on my mind".... btu here we are two weeks later and things are back to normal. I haven't spoken to him but 20 secs here and there every few days. And I find myself getting kind of turned off. He is supposed to be coming back in a few days and we have a date set up. But honeslty I don't know if that is still standing simply because he has other commitments for his time here and I won't cancel a whoel day of my life to wait for him to give me a few miuntes. I'm really trying to live by the fraise.. "don't make someone a priority when your only an option." So this is where the fairy tale ends for right now.... I will keep you posted on how this all pans out.
Last time I talked to you all Mr.Right and I were having some trouble. We got back on track and then the shit hit the fan. He stop giving me the good. You know what i mean! I was like "how dare you tease me like this." One night I was cooking dinner and yes it was fianls but I had nto seen him in weeks and missed him dearly. So on a very random and funny phone call he yells "Why don't you cook something, like just have food for me! lol" So I said I would and made a date to come to his house and cook. So while I was there I cooked everything under the sun in order to feed my man. I should have known the day wasn't going to go the way I wanted it to when I would stop at different times and ask for kisses...only to be turned down and told "I'm tryign to watch this, just cook." So I was like ok, le tme just hurry up and cook so I can spend some time with him on the couch. He later came into the kitchen to flirt and kiss and hug so I was easil satisifed for the moment. We sat at the table prayed over our food and began to talk about life. I loved his conversation and still do to this day. He didn't know that his every adverb, noun and adjective turned me on. We later retired to the couch to watch tv and talk. He all of a sudden got up and said "come on, go to the back lets take a nap for a minute before I have to get back to studying." I was extremely excited and got in the bed to cuddle. And that was honestly all I got. A cuddle. Now I am a very serious cuddler and it is one of my favorite pass times lol. So after trying to seduce him a couple times i got upset and asked him waht was wrong..."I'm celibate" he said. I would have rather him say anything else. NOT THE C BOMB. I asked where did this come from?.. he was talking but now I can honestly say I can recollect everything he said before that but anything after is now a blurr.... all I remember is tears, fighting, hugging, kisssing, and tears again. Only for me to leave out of the door and speeding off in my car the wronf direction because I was so messed up! lol
So I later went home told my girls they gave me the "MEN AIN'T SHIT" speech. And I went to facebook. I wrote an apology letter to my girls who told me to leave him alone after the first couple set of rocks we had to get over. And he called.... Now ladies this whole time I was trying to be strong, we would argue before and I would always be either first to call or pic up on the first ring, something was different about this time, my phone was dead and I got a voice mail form him wanting to talk I decided to not call back and let him know how angry I really was. Now he got on facebook to write me and read my note.. He claims it hurt him and this I still doubt but maybe?
So I call the next day to talk to him and figure things out... no pick up. I go to facebook... we aren't friends anymore. lol right? So I get a text telling me to check my email. I am in McDonalds with my friend eating and then I feel sick, I read the eamil piece by piece on my phone getting more sick but the sylable. He pretty much wrote me a go fuck yourself you little girl letter. I began crying histarically only to end up throwing up in the parking lot. To make a long story fun size I went into severe depression, got sick, left school and my cell phone and shut myself off from the world for a little bit (a week) lol. With the help of my baby brothers sponge bob and pizza cure and my gurls.... I made it out. I honestly can't tell someone about the pain I felt without crying. You know you love someone when they can say some of the most hurtfull things in the world to you and yet you still want them to hold you...crazy I know, but people smoke ciggarettes.
So I was on my way with my girls on our way to meet this guy I had just started to talk too and as I stop to get something to drink, I saw him on the store. I wasn't sure what I could have said to him if I went in, I probably would have tried ot ignore him and stop myself from crying, but thank God my friend Jess "girl I'll go get it for you" (thanks boo).
So a month or so goes by and I built a good relationship with one of his friends a really tight brother sister relationship. So I had no choice but to talk about old times. He would remind me that sometimes I would bring his name into the convo and we wouldn't even be talking about him lol. But I realized I really really missed him. So I moved into my new place and one of my bf's friends lived across the hall. We built a great friendship and I told him about the craziness I went through during the semester... Lo and behold....I get and email the next day " I thought about you today" I almost cried and didn't reply for a few days, honestly because I wanted to reply I love you btu I didn't and don't want to scare him away. Its nothing worst thatn loving someone who don't love you. So I htought about what I would reply.....two days later I said " Oh thats funny I thought about you today too. How is Miami?." He replied back a day later saying it was hto and about his job.... and at the end he asked if we could be on talking terms again and he apologized for hurting me. Now you would think that would honestly be exactly what I wanted to here... but I wasn't sure. I went to go talk to my brother aka his bestfriend about it. He told me "be honest with him, tell him your scared. I think its funny that girls can say they never wnat to tlk to us again and then later come back and apologize, but we can't do that." But I could understand what he was aying but in this case, I couldn't think of anythign that would make me want to leave him or hurt him like he did me. NOTHING.
So long story bite size, I worte a very cunning and brisk email expressing that I really was hurt and even quoted some of his own words form his previous email. But gave in and said yes. So we began texting and he was sweet at first "I miss your face", "promise you'll call me" "you stayed and stay on my mind".... btu here we are two weeks later and things are back to normal. I haven't spoken to him but 20 secs here and there every few days. And I find myself getting kind of turned off. He is supposed to be coming back in a few days and we have a date set up. But honeslty I don't know if that is still standing simply because he has other commitments for his time here and I won't cancel a whoel day of my life to wait for him to give me a few miuntes. I'm really trying to live by the fraise.. "don't make someone a priority when your only an option." So this is where the fairy tale ends for right now.... I will keep you posted on how this all pans out.
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